Saturday, October 29, 2011

Almost November.

I haven't written here in what feels like forever, and I know exactly why: since I've gone a little more public with this blog, I feel much more conscious of what I say in it. People might see it now. Real people. This has made me very conscious of the message I am putting out there -- what the words are saying, what the undertone may imply, how much to say about me, what type of message I want to send, where the balance is between personal-blogging and mommy-blogging and coach-blogging, where the balance is between sharing honestly and keeping some personal space, what direction I want this to go in general, if I have a direction for it at all. I'll think of something interesting to say, but just not quite be sure what to say about it.

So then: I say nothing. I can't find the lines, so I'm over-cautions not to cross any of them. But you know what? Not saying anything isn't a message I want to say, either. In real life, I am a talker, a sharer, and I will answer any question you ask me as honestly and completely as I feel appropriate. So as it turns out? Saying nothing is the exact opposite of any message I would want to send. Saying nothing is dishonest.

And I realized that to sit and think about where all the lines may be, I am just sitting and thinking; to find them, I have to explore and bump into them a little bit, see where the lines fall and if, by finding them, I would choose to move any of them elsewhere. I may find other lines I haven't thought of, and I may erase some that turn out to be unnecessary, but I'll never figure that out just sitting here thinking about it.

So here I am. Hi! I'm exploring my own public, online boundaries. And I'm going to continue to encourage myself to do so. November is coming up in three days (I know, right?), and with November, in the blogosphere, comes NoJoMo -- November Journaling Month, with the goal of posting one entry, every day. That's thirty days of blogging, sharing, and boundary-finding. I'm excited to see where it goes.